James Bond as a symbol of patriarchal hegemony seen through the lens of third-wave feminism
This post is a humble submission to the very awesome James Bond Blog-a-thon, and there ain’t a chance in hell that I’m writing about the mass of words serving as a title. Nope, this will be a little listing of my favorite henchmen who’ve served the Bond villains.*
The archvillains always receive the love in recountings of Bond films, and I get that- I’m a Palpatine guy, after all. But every Sith Lord needs an apprentice, and there’ve been a lot of good ones facing off with 007. These are the men and women who attempt to poison, garrotte, stab, shoot, and outmaneuver Her Majesty’s secret servant, and they (almost) always die at Mr. Bond’s hand. Gone but not forgotten, these brash but doomed footsoldiers often bring quirky color along with their particular brand of menace, and I always get a kick out of them.
First though, not all henchmen are created equal. Men like Stamper (Tomorrow Never Dies), Necros (The Living Daylights) and Vargas (Thunderball) are really nothing more than muscle with blonde hair, not particularly interesting. Neither do I care for guys like Gobinda (Octopussy, possessed of a steely glare and not much else) nor ladies like Helga Brandt (You Only Live Twice, not crafty enough to kill Bond and not very attractive in spite of her healthy chest). Also, I’ve simply never been enamored with that most famous underling, Odd Job- I can already stand on a golf ball, so give me the wicked hat and maybe I could protect Auric Goldfinger.
But that’s enough hating. We watch all the Bond films a bajillion times because we love ‘em, right? So without further ado, here are my top 5 underlings:
5. Fiona Vulpe (Thunderball)- She’s clever, duplicitous, and a true threat to Bond, but that’s not really why she’s on this list. Fiona is Hot, Hot, Hot, and when Bond claims he got no pleasure from her, you just know that he’s lying. At least I know it.
4. Kronsteen (From Russia With Love)- A brilliant Chess player, you’d think he’d have no trouble trapping Bond after crushing his Canadian opponent in a tournament. Personally, I think he was right in claiming that Rosa Krebb’s incompetence led to the failure of his plan. Anyhow, the best part of Kronsteen is his appearance; he looks like a Simpson’s character brought to life!
3. Emile Locque (For Your Eyes Only)- Actually, I liked this guy more when I was a kid, for he seemed quite menacing then. Now he just strikes me as quiet, even though I do like the dove pin calling card. Never mind that, however- he was easily discovered by one of the greatest of all Q’s inventions: the Identigraph. How cool was that thing- pick a nose (“not a banana, Q”), an eye color, the right glasses and then boom- a perfect photo of your quarry!
2. Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd (Diamonds Are Forever)- Now these guys are sweet: creative, sadistic, witty- and gay! Not that Bond films have ever been very politically correct, of course… still, I get a big kick out of watching this pair work. Scorpions? Check. Explosives? Check. Drowning an old woman? Check. Jealous lovers? Check. Getting flambeed and having one’s own fist shoved up their arse? Check. Mr. Wint and Mr. Kidd did it all.
1. Nick Nack (The Man With The Golden Gun)- The anamoly in so many ways, and all the more dangerous for it. Yes, he’s a world class cook, not to mention valet and co-pilot, but Nick Nack is also deadly with a blade, gun, or wine bottle. Moreover, he’s the most self-interested of all these bagmen. Just before Bond’s ultimate faceoff with Scaramanga, Nick Nack informs 007 that he has no problem seeing his employer beaten. Even if he wasn’t a deadly midget who actually survives his encounters with Bond, Nick Nack is best simply for having a retirement plan of some sort.
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*We could probably split hairs on who exactly is a major villain and who’s an underling. Rosa Klebb and “Red” Grant could be either, as could Emilio Largo or Le Chiffre. For the purposes of this piece, I’ll be focusing on secondary/minor characters who IMO do not figure heavily in a particular film’s plot.
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